The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
