i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
