she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
