Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
