I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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