that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
