she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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