should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
