Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
