Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
