Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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