he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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