I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
