Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
my liver is dry heaving
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
