why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
