Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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