so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
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