apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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