I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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