U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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