You made me cry and you don't even care
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
