@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
