He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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