also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
