i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
