I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
