these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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