I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
