On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
