I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
