do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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