i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
