Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
This house was built for laser tag.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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