I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Houston, we have a squirter
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I will pee on everything he values.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
