i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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