It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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