Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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