WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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