We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
