Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
