Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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