Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
