Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
