almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
