You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i drank out of a bidet.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
