We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
