You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
