Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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