i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
