so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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