Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
