the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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