The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
